Starcraft 2 Armory - Unofficial Starcraft 2 Fansite

Sorry for the not very creative title(this is going to be a rough start) I can't think of any but bear with me I'm new to this and on a related note this is a prologue so chances are you won't know who the protagonist(or the situation) is until a couple more of my posts/chapters so enjoy(please give me some constructive advice since I'm a newbie).

Chapter 1: Are you sure this is safe?


........ Gazing upon this ''contraption'' I inquired to the cannoneer about how this thing works... I was not very thrilled on the answer and the fact that I will be the first live subject to '' transported''.
Of course the cannoneer assured me that I could slow my descent by spreading out my wings but given my weight problem I'm sure that would not soften my landing at all.
But time was slipping by so I relented since this was the quickest way(I hope) so I stuffed myself(with great effort) into the cannon and hoped for the best as the countdown was started 5..4..3..2..1... FIRE.
As I was hurled skyward I pondered whether I would survive sudden impact(not that it mattered at this point in time) eventually I noticed that gravity was now dragging me down so I spread my wings and body in an attempt to slow myself down.
Eventually I noticed that the ground was starting to get bigger at a faster rate and that it was white.... seconds later I hit the ground with enough force to make a 4-5 foot hole after some time laying flat on the floor I got my bearings straight to notice that the terrain is indeed that of a snowy mountain now I just need to confirm whether this God Killer really does exist or if its just another folks tale.

The story will pick up I swear. :)

Edit: added a little table of contents for conveniance-
prologue chapter 1-3 are located in page 1
Chapter 4 is located in page 2
Chapter 5A and 5B are in page 3
chapter 6 is in page 4(final prologue chapter)
Part One Chapter 1 is also in page 4
Part 1 chapter 2-4 are on page 5
Heavanian soldier types are on page 6
Part one: chapter 5 is on page six
Zolakian Background/general lore page six
Pat One:Chapter 6 is also on page 6
Archangel Bios is in page 6
All the other character Bios will be on page 7
Part One Chapter 7,8 and 9 is on page 7
Christmas Eve story is on page 7 along with the Christmas brawl chapter
Part One:Chapter 10-13 are on page 8
Part One:Chapter 14,15&16 are on page 9

write more please, this is already looking awesome ;-)

Chapter 2: Confirmation

The bitter cold thats the thing that struck me on this foreign land along with the soft snow, as I struggled to keep my footing since I kept sinking the longer I waited in the same spot.
Why I was sent here is beyond me, Lucifer or Andariel are much more suited for this type of terrain and looking for a elusive ''god killer'' by sending only one archangel also doesn't strike me as a smart idea.
But these thoughts were pushed to the recesses of my mind when I heard a loud and horrific howl that killed the silence..... I immediatly noticed the snow start to obstruct my vision more and slight shuffles coming all around me I reached for the ground and manifested my scythe.
As I struggled to find a more defensible spot I saw a figure not of human or angel shape after a second of closer inspection it was a large wolf with red eyes(had blue streaks running throught them) and visible teeth(especially the canines) that look like it could tear through my layers of armor and fur that appeared to be a pure grey and two horns that were shaped like that of a rams thats all I could tell before the wolf dissapeared.
After it disappeared I reached for my right sleeve and took out the description all the characteristic with the exceptions of the eyes and horns(horns are pointed) were correct this is the God killer fenrir.
As I checked the description the shuffling noise was rapidly closing in behind my postion I turned around and swung my scythe in a attempt to scare or at least ward it off it just disapeared into the snow.... as I went to check out where it was I heard multiple smaller howls... looks like Fenrir has been busy.

I am your Second reader!!!! Good job keep it up. =)

looking pretty fancy! enjoying it

Um... thanks for the compliment but I was hoping for a more in depth reason on why you enjoy/despise it if its not too much to ask(if you have any suggestions on improving my style of writing that would also be appreciated).

firstly cos you've set up mystery and you've introduced harsh imagery which sets the scene perfectly. what more could you ask for a prolouge.

and cos i'm a sucker for anything which deals with divinity and angels

as for improving your style, i'll have to wait till i read more!

When are you going to update? youre leaving us hanging here....

I like this a lot, but it's kinda hard to read with the whole grammar and organization problems...

Noted and I can tell you I'm working on it(I hope).

might want to work on the actual writing, better sentence structure and such, but it looks good so far. interesting read, angels going out and destroying evil spirit things...

Chapter 3: Why do wolves hate me?

As the howling continues from all direction I am unable to figure out how many wolves were circling around me like vultures since I'm only seeing faint silhouette pass by me in a rapid succession. Eventually one of wolves became bold enough to break through the fog cover and charge at me head on(moron).

I readied my scythe and swung in a slicing horizontal strike. The wolf was caught in it, impaled and shredded at the base of his neck by the scythe serrations. As it whined on the ground in agony I stomped on it crushing his skull underneath my boot. The soft snow compacted under the pressure throwing off my balance.

Before I noticed it one of the wolves got in close range and it took a bite on my left shoulder with one of his buddies getting my right arm, as I struggled to shake them off even more wolves were joining in taking bites and trying to claw through my armor with the added weight it became harder for me to balance myself the mangy mutts are trying throw me off balance. As we struggled the snow around me grew slick with the dead wolfs blood making my predicament even harder to get out of.

After slipping and falling front body first(landing and crushing the wolf on my right arm) I was able to grab a wolf before it had the chance to fall back and I subsequently ripped its jaws from the rest of its head.
I staggered to find a better footing. And as I looked back the dead wolves were gone with drag marks marking where the were killed, I then heard a fairly loud growl.... then I saw it. A much bigger wolf(obviously fenrir) circled around me not even bothering staying out of my line of sight, judging by the looks of its face it was less than pleased, I once again materialized my scythe(hopefully I won't drop it again).

certainly taking advice well, you might need to read it over to get your punctuation correct, missing a few commas here and there, nothing big.

also maybe using 'then' a little less, kind of seems like thats all your using to tell us what happens, maybe leaving 'then' out all together makes it a little less monotone.

but these are all really minor things, the bulk of it is there, and you've succesfully written an action scene, which isn't easy to do without being cheesy.

keep it comming!

Well it's good to know I'm not writing this just to pass time.

I like this. I am unsure what angel this is supposed to be, but it is good to see something not StarCraft that still appeals to others.

Good luck to you.